This is by no means what they call a short post.......
Dearest Magnificents,
Yesterday was such a blessed time at Paul's birthday. Happy Birthday Paul n thanks for taking the trouble for burning the YI cd. When i got back home, settled down, I played the disc. And the glut of emotions/thoughts/realisations prompted me to pen down this post.
First i clicked unto the 'pictures' folder. It had none of our pics, bleah. Then i opened up the 'video' file. It gave an entire recap of our camp, fond memories, fond memories.The next file i clicked on was a recording titled, "YISS 06 - PNW on 170606 - Alfred". This was on the 3rd night,the outpouring night (ON), and Alfred Pang was leading us into worship, preparing our hearts for the spirit. As i listened to the clip, i was swamped in tears. Jem, i was so glad to have caught u online, i needed a magnificent soul to tell this to.
So i was listening to Alfred's voice guiding us, my eyes were transfixed on the title and the time meter, my mind was brought back to the session room and all its darkness. Listening, i kept crying and crying because it was at that session, at that definate point which changed me. That moment, it was transformation of a girl bogged by self worthlessness. I'd always thought my problems weren't attention-worthy, thus perpetually spiralling into 'nobodiness'. Back then, i rembered feeling a stirring within, now i realise it was God's love moving over me. I recall telling u how most of the PNW songs were new to me, but the ON (outpouring night) songs, i knew them. Hearing these songs again at the vital moments hit hard, my tears poured and poured. It didn't help that the title had my 20th birthdate on it. I always mentally refer to that day as receiving the bestest present of my life.
As i calmed down, a flood of memories came over me. Like the Bible written eons ago, our YI memories aren't those of yester-time, they are very much alive. Lynette, i remember how u introduced yourself. In a confident tone, u said something about being soft-spoken and everyone looked on puzzled, not believing you. Van, i remember how u asked me if i was ok during quiet time, And how we talked and shared over our packet food. Jem i remember how u walked up to the front during ON when Freddy asked if we felt the spirit. U walked to the left side of the hall. Pris, i remember u were called up to testify and told us of the sensation u felt in your hands. The sharing session i most vividly recall was the one after ON. Russell, i remember u were the first to share, u were so so excited and kept ticking off your various points. Jason, i remember how u shared about your past,, about your leg injury. Angele, i remember u shared something scary about your past. Pris and i had our hands over our ears, we were too scared to hear. Paul, I remember how u marvelled us with your knowledge, grandpa paul stories. U told us that lucifer was the choir-master and the most beautiful angel who had musical notes inscribed on his wings, and how his vanity caused his fall. Nic, i remember how u affirmed me after i shared about my 'hands' story. i was so so comforted that your were amazed.
After the memories, the realisations came. There is such a thing as God's plan. I was meant to redo my alevels. I was meant to enter uni this year. I was meant to be in NTU. I was meant to come to YI. I was meant to be in team Magnificent. I was never meant to feel inadequate. I was always meant to have God's and Magnificents' love.
Do let me ramble on a while more, I am ending soon. I have discovered that God is a romantic who romances me with surprises. Since YI, almost everytime i go for a church thing (go for rally,sell friar calendars), i meet with someone from my past. I'll recall the first 3 pple it started off with: At amk station, i was supposed to look for pple in yellow to bring me to CSC. I found a girl in yellow, she looked at me and said,"rebecca??" oh man, the girl looked the same as she was in pri 1. I managed out a, "vanessa??" The next incident occurred when we were first grouped and moving out of the hall. The skinny girl beside me said,"eh, u are from ij tp?" Yes bones, and i also took the same sch bus as you. And God didn't stop surprising me, it was at night that i saw Nic. At the benches having supper, i saw the fella. It was particularly weird seeing him at this churchy camp, cos the previous time we met, he was pimping away, mambo-style. haha.
Magnificent, u guys are a bunch that i feel so comfortable with. it is not by our loneliness that we seek our friendships with each other. Rather, it is God's continuing love and protection he gives over our bonds.
Jem - u are at a particular crossroad in your life and yet by what u say, i have never understood God's plan more clearly. I pray that as you submit your applications God will be with u always.
To our M.I.A queen/king (aka bones/nic) - We understand your commitments. We miss u and love u deeply. We love u no less when u are unable to join us.
With God's love, i love u all,
Becky.
